protocol A0351066, subject 38

i cannot help but feel so satisfied and accomplished as i stepped out of the pfizer ward today. well, not only monetarily have i gained, but also gained 3 new friendships, insight into life of others, insight into my own life, and of course a good break from school.

yeahyeah, it's time to get back to work. starting with bfast at macs tml morning with the cg. haha..

i did feel a bit sad when i left pcru today, knowing tt i'll probably not see those pple there in the near future. some are going to look for work, others going back to their jobs tt arn't really too satisfying in the first place.

1 of them is even going to australia to work as a farm hand for the next couple of months. because the pay there is not too bad, matched with the dearth of desirable jobs here. and after working it out it's actually not bad.

i think i've made 3 new friends, 2 with pple who i didn't know before, and 1 with someone who i've known before. kaiwen, zhiyong and clarence. kaiwen's 3 yrs older than me, and he was 1 of the few who talked to me when we first went for screening. haha. cause we both play dota. yeah. and made a pact to bring out laptops so can play dota. see, gaming is not a bad thing actually. zhiyong's 1 yr older than me. he can also play dota fair enuff. haha, but kaiwen actually called him free-frag! omg. i think i'll be quite demoralised if someone called me that. but no hard feelings one lar they'll.

i think i'm very comfortable w them, just very easy to get along and there seems to be always some nonsense tt we can talk about. it was also with them 2 tt i went to sushi buffet today too after the study. wah eat until explode liao. didn't even feel hungry for dinner but ate anyway. hope to keep in touch and continue the fragging man. haha.

clarence is actually quite fun to be with. of course he was the one who taught me how to watch/bet soccer. quite smiley too. haha. before this never had the chance to talk to him. he's one sweet guy too, always talking to his gf on the phone for SO LONG every night. haha. anyway clarence the naughty boy skipped sch today to bring his jap friend out visiting! omg. she said she wanted to eat hawker food and he actually is taking her to GEYLANG. omg what's the boy thinking.

i also learnt a bit more about myself whilst in the study. quite insightful, and i think this may potentially change my life. :)

it will be a great day ahead tml. i shall have a good night's sleep and wake up afresh tml.

learning to bet

yesterday i got introduced to soccer. haha for the first time i think i sat down and watched not 1 but 2 matchs with friends. which was quite entertaining i guess. if i rem correctly the matches were birmingham vs black burn and man u vs tottenham. haha quite nice to watch, and laugh over the screwups, and gawk at the good play in the match too. also the funny stuff the happens. omgomg. haha, yest in the man u tottenham match one stupid linesman kena kicked in the shin and gave an uber constipated face. haha. what happened was tt 2 defenders were challenging a striker for the ball so they were forced to the side. but with the linesman it became too squeezy. as the attacker was trying to flip the ball in he wacked the linesman square in the shin. ouchouch.

what's more, clarence introduced me to soccer betting!! haha.. omg, now i know how to bet on soccer. all the 1/2 ball 1/4 balls. it'a crazy and super complicated. big potential to win big money, but also big potential to lose money. haha. i think clarence yesterday lost a bit too cause both the matches he bet on he lost. oh well..

scm is coming up real soon in abt 1mth's time. hopefully i can run a good race. not been training enough i guess, longest run is only 2hrs. hope to clock a good 3hr run before then..

i'm only starting to get bored here only now. really, there's nothing to do. want to watch evolution, heard it's a crappy show. haha. maybe later.

off to slack...

thoughts of a POP (prisoner of pfizer)

these couple of days i'm lying in hospital, taking part in a pharmacokinetic trial for this drug pfizer is marketing. yar in sorts, something like being a lab rat. i must say i've been enjoying myself, sometimes i just smile to myself (and get ridiculed by w who shares the room w me). haha. today, is the 3rd day of the study.

smiling for a reason. cause when i realise what comfort and luxury i am in right now, it just makes me.. happy. haha, sure it may sound silly... but that's the way i'm feeling man. what's better is that we're getting paid man!! i almost can't believe it.

let's see, today's programme was something like... taking blood at 9am, then a warm shower. then bfast/lunch/dinner interspersed with movies, dota and magazine browsing. hehe.

anyway, y3 left yesterday after they discovered some abnormality in his liver panel. i think nothing much lar, but they just want to play safe so they sent him home. but with a good pay packet anyhow. haha, but then again he doesn't get to enjoy the good foods yada. the feeds here are not bad, quite a good baseline lar. w thinks tt the vegs SUCK but i think they're ok lar, not tt bad. but then again, today's coleslaw was SHIT. sometimes they have nice deserts like this lemon pie thingy which was something tt u would find in starbucks. omg. i think it's all cooked by the SGH canteen. the A-class ward feeds no doubt.

of course, not all times were tt sweet, some more painful. just yesterday they cannulated our arms because they had to take blood a friggin 7 times! omg. and can u imagine they actually missed my vein. MY VEINS are like how friggin big. how to miss? andyway others had it worse. like w who got 'cannulated' 5 times and have 6 venepunctures done. i just had 1 failed cannulation, and 1 successful one. lol.

well, tml will be the same thing again, just bloods at 9am then the rest of the day free. prob going to watch more movies. haha. i actually brought in some drama serials but didn't get the time to watch. too busy playing. lol. realised playing dota is actually quite stressful when u live in the oh-so-relaxing-environment here... anyway i made alot of new friends here. quite friendly, hope tt we'll still stay in contact in the years down. also got to know better pple who i'd previously known. :)

but the thing which makes my heart smile every day is hearing your voice over the phone. :) thanks for being so sweet to call.

happy birthday to me

it's the time of the yr again when my bdae is around the corner. and i like this time when loved ones around me do nice stuff for me to make me feel special. hehe. yest was cg, and it was good. the message and sharing was good and i really could identify with what j was saying and it did help me pinpoint problems a problem tt i have. maybe it may be the real reason why i'm not attending church reg now.

but i was so happy when they started singing the bdae song and brought the cake in. i was so so touched. and as i recall, this is the first tim my cg has ever celebrated my bdae for me. all the yrs tt i was in church, i've never had my cake and eat it. yeah, literal and metaphorically. somehow someway my bdae would be missed. every year.

thoughts were running through my head as they sang my bdae song. and these were so inline with the thoughts i was ruminating through during the msg. yeah... glad i went for cg yesterday. it was good.

today after lecture went out with andre/wm/jonchia/darryl for lunch. well, the LT gang wanted to ask me out for lunch too but i thought they were going off and last wk sijin and hyq were saying tt they had stuff on this sat, so i agreed to go out w the prior. haha, and i'm glad i did too cause i enjoyed myself. they Rx me to c-jade.

come to think of it, ke also asked me out for lunch but we had to meet some other time instead. sheesh, how i wish i could go out with ALL of u guys at the same time!!

got some presents from close friends today too. tie from jc pple, shirt and belt from LT gang, shirt from cg yesyterday night.

later i'll be meeting pri sch pple (ck&lh) for dinner at novena. tml having special dinner. hehe. hope things will be great. :)

MAF

last year's maf was my bdae. yeah, looking back at 1yr ago, things have really changed alot. been through alot and learnt alot. gotta be stronger.

words do not suffice to describe the joy i felt when i saw u smile yesterday when u saw it. something which i long to have, and for someone to do for me too. how ironical, because last yr exactly on maf was my bdae. though i did not have you by my side last yr, here we are again together a year later.

i rem my bdae last yr well, though not all memories abt it were pleasant. things tt i would rather forget but are kept at the back of my head. on the brighter side, those sad stuff are no longer around, and today i'm a much happier person cf last year.

i think for the years to come, maf will always be a day that bears special meaning for me. but this year to be able to spend it with you is really more than i could ask for. even that short hour when we just sat in the car w/o a word, thoughts were going through my head at what the future would bring and whether there was a future at all. and i was happy to spend even tt moment w you, really hoping time owuld stop and the night would never end. yeah... at tt pt i realised what those lyricists were talking abt.

looking behind a windscreen at those kids having fun w their lanterns happily w their parents, i realise tt the time to grow up and let go may be coming. but i am afraid and dread the day when it comes. i only pray tt i'll be strong enough when it finally comes.

yet, another new beginning

today is the eve of my new posting at sgh surgery. the previous posting has been memorable, though some postings may not be tt fantastic anyway. because of my bad test experience yada. but i thought i would start a new blog today to mark this new beginning in my life.

not of a new posting, but more importantly of a new resolution and direction in my life.

and in my life is now newfound meaning and renewed faith, and hope. not unlike coming out from the ashes, for i was once downtrodden, dismayed and disillusioned. but i just feel that this is the appropriate time to start things afresh.

things are well, but could be better. the main problem of my life has been solved and things are looking good for the both of us. which is, definitely good. i hope it gives me more time to spend more time on other stuff finally. i almost put everything else in my life on stand still just to get things right with her, and now that things are good, the world seems to be smiling again.

i thought i'ld start blogging again, but this time it'll centre around the great love jesus has for me. so greatly blessed, highly favoured and deeply loved am i tt whenever i think of how good god has been to me i just feel so joyful and at rest. nothing i could do would make him love me more, and nothing i could do could make him love me less; because he just loves me the same forever and his love is such a perfect agape love. thank you lord for loving me with such a love so great tt loves me with all my imperfections and filth, with all my past and ugliness. i'ld never begin to understand the vastness of the love tt i'm covered with.

i look forward to a good day ahead tml. a day filled wih favour, grace and lots of his love.